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Understanding behaviour as communication

Fostering is both a challenging and extremely rewarding life path. Care-experienced children and young people have often experienced trauma in their early lives, which can lead to difficulties in regulating their emotions as well as some behaviours which can be tricky to manage. Let’s learn more about why it’s important to understand what a child is communicating through their behaviour.  

Childhood trauma

The myth of ‘naughty kids’ 

We live in a society where care-experienced people face a lot of prejudice, even as they leave care and enter adulthood. Some people mistakenly believe that children are taken into care because of their behaviour, a stereotype which particularly affects older children and teens in care.  

There’s a huge range of potential reasons why a child may enter the care system, none of which are their fault. Perhaps a child has lost a parent in death or has been removed from their home due to a parent’s reluctance to end a relationship with an abusive partner. They may also have faced neglect or abuse. We call these events Adverse Childhood Experiences, of ACE’s.  

ACE’s can have a huge impact on every aspect of a person’s life, including their development, behaviour and health outcomes in later life. That’s why children in care need a trauma-informed approach to parenting, which emphasises unconditional love, empathy and healing, to give them the best life outcomes possible.  

 

Now that we’ve busted some myths, let’s check out the facts… 

 

Childhood trauma impacts brain development.  

When a child is exposed to traumatic circumstances, it can impact the way their brain develops and affect the rate at which they hit normal milestones. When the brain has been in a constant state of high alertness to cope with threat, in a constant state of fight of flight, it dampens a child’s ability to develop higher skills such as regulating their emotions and being able to make safe decisions.  

Many behaviours which foster parents find concerning, such as a child withdrawing or becoming violent, are actually survival strategies which can develop during times of stress. These strategies were created by the brain in an attempt to keep the child safe during a time when there was nowhere to turn for comfort and safety. Even when a child is in a safe environment, like a foster home, it takes lots of therapeutic support and consistent loving care to develop healthier behaviours.   

Behaviour always communicates a need.

A great way of understanding behaviour is remembering that every behaviour can be read as a form of communication. Many of a child’s behaviours may be influenced by the trauma they live with— perhaps a child is feeling overstimulated and they need some space; perhaps something has triggered memories of a traumatic situation, and their body is responding as though they are once again under threat.  

However your foster child reacts when feeling dysregulated, they’re unlikely to have learned the ability to regulate their emotions without an adult for support. This means they’ll need you by their side in order to return to a calm, happy state. Let’s learn more about the importance of co-regulation, and how it can support children to learn to manage their own behaviour independently.  

Co-regulation strategies to practice with your foster child 

One of the biggest ways you can support a child in moments where their behaviour is challenging is by building a safe and trusting relationship with them over time. This allows them to explore, build resilience and develop healthier coping mechanisms when they’re feeling upset or unsafe. Here are 3 tips for effective co-regulation with your foster child.  

  • Regulate, relate, reason. The Sequence of Engagement, developed by Dr. Bruce Perry, teaches us the order in which to engage a child who is struggling to handle big emotions. We start with regulation, which means to help the child calm their body and nervous system first— breathing exercises such as bubble breathing or finger breathing are great for this! Relating is the next step, where we connect emotionally through active listening and empathy. Reasoning and reflection comes last, where you can discuss what happened and find ways to help prevent a child’s behaviour from escalating in the future.  
  • Engage, don’t enrage. When a child is dysregulated, it can be easy to slip into a power struggle rather than truly addressing the heart of a given issue. The ‘engage, don’t enrage’ strategy reminds us to address behaviour in a mindful way which won’t add even more stress to the child. It also reminds caregivers of the importance of treating difficult situations as you and your foster child vs the problem, rather than the two of you becoming upset with one another.  
  • Be patient. Helping your foster child to learn to regulate their emotions won’t be a linear journey, nor will it be a swift road to success. You’ll need to be patient and consistent in order to see results. By engaging with our therapeutic training, role modelling healthy behaviours and always being a pillar of support for your foster child, you can help them to begin to see the world as a safer, more nurturing place and can teach them the skills to better manage their emotions.  

Recommended resources for trauma-informed foster parents 

Ready to learn more? Check out the links below for some fantastic resources to help you better understand and manage a child’s behaviour.  

  • The UK Trauma Council have produced a fantastic animation explaining the impact of childhood trauma on the brain. It’s a fantastic resource for foster parents, showing in simple terms how trauma can make even a safe place feel scary. 
  • If you’re interested in a deeper look at how trauma impacts children, check out our guide to developmental trauma and its impact on the brain.  

Could you help change a child’s life? 

If you’ve ever thought about fostering, there’s no better time than now to get started on this life changing journey. Here at Fostering People you will benefit from the holistic support of a vast range of professionals, and you will never feel alone when challenges arise. Learn more about our support for foster parents by getting in touch with our team today.  

Understanding behaviour as communication

The Impact of Trauma on Child Brain Development

Many care-experienced children deal with the impact of trauma in their day-to-day lives. Let’s learn how trauma can influence a child’s development, and how therapeutic parenting techniques can support children to heal. 

Understanding developmental trauma

Imaging that you’re walking in the park one day when you spot a large dog. The dog isn’t on a lead, and its owner is nowhere to be seen. Its ears flatten tightly against its head as it flashes rows of sharp teeth, beginning to growl. Sensing that there’s danger, your body begins to react: your heartrate increases, you become more alert and your muscles tense. Your body releases stress hormones as it prepares to react to the threat through fight or flight. 

For children who have experienced trauma, those stress responses don’t just happen in the face of genuine danger, like an aggressive dog. Many care-experienced people live with complex developmental trauma, which means that they have been repeatedly exposed as a child to stressful circumstances. There are many circumstances which can cause a child to live with trauma, including: 

  • Being removed from their family home 
  • Facing neglect or abuse 
  • Losing a loved one in death 
  • Witnessing domestic violence 
  • Living with a parent with an unmanaged mental illness 
  • Having a family member go to prison 
  • Living though parental separation 
Understanding developmental trauma

Trauma, the body and the brain

Trauma is the long-lasting response which we can have to being exposed to something incredibly distressing. We can experience the effects of trauma at any age, but when it’s experienced in childhood, it can have a huge impact on development. Even a foetus in the womb can experience trauma if their mother is exposed to high levels of stress, such as through experiencing addiction or domestic violence. Even if a child is too young to remember traumatic experiences, their body will remember. Their negative experiences may impact how their brain develops, their behaviours and when they reach developmental milestones.  

Repeated exposure to traumatic circumstances wires the brain and the nervous system to live in a world of constant threat, where survival and safety are the only things which matter. When living in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn, the brain has less room to flourish, dampening its ability to develop higher skills like strong self-esteem, good social skills, impulse control and a child’s ability to regulate their emotions without help from adults. 

Building safety through trusting relationships

As challenging as these adaptions can be for children and those who care for them, it’s important to remember that the brain has adapted this way as a means of protecting the child. Childhood trauma is often the result of poor-quality relationships with adults, and many of the effects of trauma can be healed by building nurturing and loving connections with safe adults. 

This healing doesn’t happen magically overnight, though. When a child has learned that the world is unsafe and that the adults in their life can’t be trusted to fill their needs or protect them from harm, they cannot simply ‘switch off’ their trauma responses when living in a safe environment such as a foster home. Children who have been removed from unsafe situations may perceive everyday situations as threatening, and their behaviour may seem overly reactive to the world around them. 

Therapeutic parenting methods that work

Each child’s healing journey is a long road, and it takes a lot of patience, empathy and therapeutic guidance for children to heal and build trusting relationships with others. Thanks to the wonders of neuroplasticity— the brain’s ability to form new neural connections— there is plenty of hope for recovery and healing, and children can learn to respond to the world in a healthier way and see it as a safer place. 

Foster parents can help children to build these new neural pathways by using theraputic parenting techniques. We teach these skills in our mandatory training, where you’ll learn that many common parenting techniques, such as time-outs and the naughty step, can do more harm than good for a child who has experienced trauma. This is because these methods rely on the assumption that the child understands that their relationship with their caregiver is built on a solid foundation, which is not always the case for children in care. 

Let’s take a look at an example of how two very different children might react to the same consequence for their behaviour, and how therapeutic parenting can help to support a child who lives with trauma when challenges arise. 

 

Scenario: After hitting their sibling in order to snatch a toy, the child is told to go to their bedroom for ten minutes of time-out. 

 

Child A: Child A is living at home with their family. They have a secure attachment to their caregiver, and understand that being sent to their room is only a temporary measure. Having had a healthy environment in which to grow, where they know that they are loved and safe even when their behaviour is being addressed, this method is appropriate for teaching them that being unkind to their sibling is wrong and will lead to them missing out on fun time with the family. They are able to learn from this experience and avoid the behaviour in future, and are able to seek comfort from their caregiver in the aftermath.  

Child B: Child B has recently moved into a new foster home. When they were living back at home with their family, they faced neglect and would spend hours locked in their bedroom with no interaction or anyone to comfort them. By using alone time in their bedroom as punishment, the child is experiencing retraumaziation. They do not know how long they will be left alone and cannot trust that their foster parent will come back for them. As trauma has impacted their brain development, they haven’t yet learned to regulate their emotions alone, and thus cannot soothe themselves without their foster parent’s support. No lessons are learned; instead, their emotional state becomes more unmanaged and their relationship with their foster parent may be damaged due to feelings of insecurity and abandonment.  

An alternative approach for child B: Foster parents can help the children in their care to avoid distressing situations like these by using the ‘time in’ method instead of the ‘time out’ method. ‘Time in’ prioritises staying close with your young person during difficult moments to help them regulate their emotions in a safe way.  

Boost your skills with Fostering People

The above example looks at just one of the many different therapeutic parenting approaches which you’ll learn about when you foster with us. We run a comprehensive programme of training covering a huge range of specialist subjects, including the P.A.C.E model. You’ll also have the opportunity to pick and choose from a range of courses which are designed to broaden your understanding of the needs of your foster children. 

Therapeutic parenting may feel strange at first, particularly if you’ve brought your own children up in a more traditional way or if it seems very different to the way you were raised.  It takes time to study and master, but once you begin using therapeutic parenting techniques you’ll see just how beneficial they can be for children who have experienced trauma.  

 

Ready to learn more?  

Here at Fostering People, we’re always ready to welcome more caring and passionate individuals who see a future in caring for children. When you foster with us you’ll receive a whole range of support, including specialist advice and a generous fostering allowance.  

If you’re ready to begin the journey of a lifetime, contact our team today on 0800 077 8159 or via our quick and easy online form— we’re waiting to hear from you! 

 

Recommended reading for foster parents 

Check out some of our favourite books which discuss therapeutic parenting strategies in more detail, to help you understand the importance of a therapeutic approach for children who live with the impact of trauma. 

  • ‘Creating Loving Attachments: Parenting with P.A.C.E to Nurture Confidence and Security in the Troubled Child’ by Dr. Dan Hughes and Kim Golding 

  • ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk 

  • ‘The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog’ by Bruce D. Perry and Maia Szalavitz 

  • ‘The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions’ by Sarah Naish 

PACE Parenting: strategies that work

Parenting and fostering are similar, but one of the main differences is the type of parenting you use to help them navigate the world. For children in care who are living with trauma, traditional parenting techniques often fall short of their needs and can sometimes make things worse.

That’s where PACE therapeutic parenting comes in. PACE is about creating a nurturing and healing environment where children feel safe enough to be themselves and are loved unconditionally, both on their good and bad days.

In this blog, we take a deeper look at PACE parenting, including what it means, why it works, and how you can use it to truly make a difference in the lives of the children you foster.

What is the PACE approach to parenting?

PACE is a therapeutic parenting approach developed by Dan Huges, a clinical psychologist who specialises in childhood trauma. He recognised that children living with the weight of adverse childhood experiences (ACES) need to be cared for in a different way, with a focus on building strong and trusting relationships.

These relationships are at the heart of helping children heal from their trauma. They give children a secure base to make sense of their experiences, understand their triggers, and find new ways to cope with their thoughts and feelings. When children know they have someone to lean on, rely on and trust, it builds the resilience and confidence they need to explore the world and look towards a more hopeful future.

PACE, which stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy, creates a supportive and nurturing environment where children feel understood, valued, and heard. As a foster parent, using PACE can help you look beyond behaviour to understand what’s really upsetting or triggering a child. You can then coach them through emotions they may not have the words for yet and help them feel safe enough to open up about what’s really going on inside.

The PACE parenting model

Here is a breakdown of the four principles of PACE and the strategies within each element that you can use to support a child. When combined, they can help you build a connection with the children in your care and diffuse tension in difficult situations.

Playfulness

Playfulness means parenting in a light-hearted way by bringing joy, humour and a little silliness into everyday moments. You probably use playfulness in some of your relationships already – maybe you’ve got a running joke with a friend or send funny videos to your partner when they’re having a tough day. These seemingly small things show that you care and provide them with the emotional safety to be themselves around you.

It’s just the same for the children you foster. When you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself in their company, it helps them feel safe enough to do the same. When you laugh or smile with them, they see that you enjoy being around them, which boosts their self-esteem while strengthening your bond.

How to use playfulness

You could see playfulness as being in touch with your inner child and finding joy in the small things around you. Here are some examples of playfulness strategies that can help you connect and manage tricky situations:

  • If it’s a rainy day, you could go outside and jump in puddles together or have a race to see who can find the biggest puddle first.
  • If you’re on a long car journey, you could make up a game or create a silly song about the trip together.
  • If your foster child struggles to name their emotions, you could turn them into characters, giving them names that are easy to remember, such as Sally the sad sausage or Alfie the angry ant. This way, when they start to feel that emotion, they may find it easier to associate it with the character you’ve created together.
  • If the child in your care doesn’t want to go to bed, you could build a fort together or make up a song about bedtime that makes it feel fun and something to look forward to.
  • You could turn chores into a challenge, such as who can rake the biggest pile of leaves or put away their clothes the fastest.

Top tip: Pick your moment carefully. If a child’s very upset, trying to laugh and joke might make them feel unheard or misunderstood. In those moments, get down to their level and gently explore their feelings instead.

Acceptance

Everyone wants to feel like they are accepted and loved unconditionally – even if a bad day means you’re a bit grumpy. It’s the same for children in care, but sadly, they may have never experienced this sort of relationship before. They may have been punished or shamed for showing their feelings and might worry that you’ll leave them if they don’t behave in a certain way.

Acceptance is about validating the way a child feels and helping them find new ways to manage their emotions. It means separating a child from their behaviour and letting them know that although you may not like what they’ve done, you’ll always love and care about them.

How to show acceptance

When emotions are running high, it can be challenging to separate a child from their actions, but this is key to helping them feel safe and secure. They need to know that their behaviour won’t change the way you feel about them. You can show them this by:

  • Slowing down the conversation and giving them enough time to respond to your questions about what happened.
  • Staying calm and using a soft tone while getting down to their level when they’re upset.
  • Offering them a hug if they’re comfortable with it or sitting nearby so they know you still want to be around them.
  • Acknowledging their feelings without judgement by saying things like, ‘You seem really upset, and that’s okay. Let’s talk about what’s made you feel this way.’
  • Reassuring them that it’s normal to have tricky feelings sometimes. For example, if they’ve had an argument at school, you could say, ‘That must have been frustrating. I get frustrated sometimes too.’
  • Validating their emotions while helping them find a new way to cope in the future. For example, if they hit someone at school because they took their pen, you could say, ‘I can see why you’re upset – it doesn’t feel very nice when people take your things. But hitting isn’t okay. Let’s think about what you could do the next time you feel like this. Maybe you could take a few deep breaths or tell a teacher. If it happens at home, we could go outside and stomp around until you feel calmer.’

Top tip: Acceptance isn’t about ignoring challenging behaviour. It’s about letting a child know that you won’t reject or abandon them when they’re having a bad day. Instead, you’ll stay by their side and help them find healthier ways to manage their emotions.

Curiosity

When you’re experiencing intense emotions but still have to get on with daily life, no matter how hard you try, it’s likely that your body language, tone of voice, and behaviour will show the people closest to you how you’re really feeling.

It’s the same for children in your care. Behaviour is a form of communication, especially for children living with trauma who don’t yet feel safe enough to share their thoughts and feelings or simply can’t find the words for their emotions.

To understand what they’re trying to tell you, you need to be curious. Curiosity is about pausing and wondering why they’re acting in a certain way without jumping to conclusions.

When you show curiosity about how a child is feeling, it helps them feel valued, heard, and understood because you’re taking the time to see the world through their eyes.

How to be curious

When a child doesn’t feel able to open up about what’s happened to them or how they’re feeling, it can be frustrating because all you want to do is help. But with a bit of observation and curiosity, you’ll start to notice patterns and begin to understand a child’s triggers.

Here are a few ways to show curiosity:

  • If your foster child struggles to answer direct questions, take the pressure off the conversation by wondering aloud instead. For example, if they took something out of another child’s lunchbox, you could say, ‘I wonder if you took that sandwich because you’re worried about not having enough food. We always have food available, so if you feel hungry, just let me know.’
  • If you notice something about their behaviour and want to ask them about it, you could say, ‘I noticed you seem a bit upset today. I wonder if something happened to make you feel this way?’
  • If you spot a pattern or trigger, gently wonder about it with them. For example, ‘I’ve noticed that you often feel a bit overwhelmed when we go to the supermarket. Maybe it’s a bit loud and busy in there for you.’
  • Be curious about your own emotions to help them make the connection between feelings and behaviour. You might say, ‘I feel a bit grumpy today – maybe it’s because I didn’t get enough sleep.’
  • If they don’t want to talk, let them know that you’ll offer a listening ear when they’re ready.

Top tip: Curiosity is about gently decoding a child’s behaviour so you can better support them. It’s not a quick-fix solution – it takes time, trust and patience to build a clear picture of what’s really going on.

Empathy

Sometimes life is hard, but when someone shows us that they ‘get it’, it brings comfort, helps us feel less alone and connects us to those around us.

Empathy is all about seeing things through your child’s eyes and showing them that you understand where they’re coming from. It means holding their hand when they struggle to cope with their trauma and working through their emotions together.

How to show empathy

When a child sees that you understand and accept their feelings, it can help them feel less alone and more able to open up about their inner world. As a foster parent, empathy probably comes naturally to you already, but here are a few tips that can help:

  • Listen, not just with your ears, but with open body language, eye contact and without distractions. Let them have the floor, and when you speak, try not to take over the conversation.
  • Help them name their feelings by saying them out loud or using visual aids, such as emotion worksheets or toys.
  • Try to match their energy. For example, if they seem low, use a soft tone rather than a cheerful one.
  • Help them feel safe by sitting next to them or offering them an item that brings them comfort, like their favourite toy or blanket.
  • Be honest about your emotions so your child knows they’re not alone in their feelings. For example, if a child is nervous about starting school, you might say, ‘I get nervous too sometimes.’

Top tip: Showing empathy doesn’t mean trying to fix the way a child feels – it’s about consistently being there for them through their struggles. Knowing they can talk to you about their feelings helps build trust, confidence, and the resilience they need to face life’s challenges.

PACE training for parents

When you join Fostering People, you become part of a community that truly understands the impact of adverse childhood experiences on the long-term outcomes for children in care.

That’s why, as part of your foster parent training, we’ll teach you how to put PACE model parenting into practice. You’ll also learn about the effects of trauma on child brain development, behaviour, attachment, and more so you know how to fully support children in your care.

We’ll be by your side, providing you with 24/7 support. From our dedicated professional teams and regular supervision to our support groups and activities for the whole family, you’ll never feel alone on your fostering journey.

So, if you’re ready to change a child’s life by providing therapeutic foster care, we’d love to hear from you! Call us on 0800 077 8159 or submit an online enquiry form, and one of our experienced team will contact you.

Why Therapeutic Fostering Matters

Foster partent showing Therapeutic Fostering

Many children in care have experienced adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). These experiences often leave a deep imprint that affects the way they see the world and cope with daily life; this is called trauma.

Therapeutic foster parents provide the guidance, empathy, and understanding that children and young people need to recover from their trauma. Join us as we explore therapeutic foster care in more detail. Find out what it means, how it’s applied, and the transformative effect it can have on children and young people in care.

What is therapeutic foster care?

At Fostering People, many children in our care have endured abuse, neglect, or other challenging experiences in their early lives.

When children move into a safe, stable and nurturing foster home, these experiences don’t just disappear from their memories. They stay with them, affecting their emotions, behaviour, relationships, and development. Trauma can also have a lifelong impact on their physical and mental well-being, influencing the way they navigate the world now and in adulthood.

Understanding trauma

When foster parents don’t understand trauma and the impact it has on every aspect of a child’s life, they may find a child’s behaviour confusing and overlook the root cause. As a result, these children won’t receive the guidance, understanding, and sense of emotional safety they need to heal.

That’s why therapeutic foster care is so important. It doesn’t stick a plaster on trauma – it addresses the challenges faced by children and young people in care and guides them on their healing journey.

Therapeutic foster parents provide nurturing homes of compassion and understanding, collaborating with trauma-informed fostering professionals to ensure their child’s entire well-being is cared for.

By providing this foundation of therapeutic support, we help children recover from their experiences, build positive relationships, manage their emotions, and begin to rebuild their lives.

What is a therapeutic approach?

Therapeutic foster parents are trauma-informed, recognising the impact trauma can have on a child’s behaviour, relationships, emotions, and development. When you foster with Fostering People, you’ll apply a therapeutic parenting approach, which includes:

Building a secure relationship

An essential part of a therapeutic approach to fostering is building a secure relationship with the child in your care. Children in care have often been let down by those they’ve trusted most, making it difficult for them to trust adults or believe that anyone has their best interests at heart.

Trust is at the core of every secure relationship. So, the child in your care needs to know that you’ll consistently show up for them and do what you say you’ll do. It also means providing them with a safe space to share their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or retribution, helping them to feel valued and heard.

Looking beyond behaviour

Another key feature of therapeutic fostering is viewing behaviour as a form of communication. Many children in care struggle to articulate their thoughts and feelings, so their behaviour becomes a window into their inner world and past experiences instead.

During prolonged abuse and neglect, children often develop coping mechanisms to survive painful experiences. Trauma can also physically alter the brain as it adapts to survive in a threatening environment. This changes the way they behave and interact with other people.

When children move into care, they may continue to use these survival behaviours without even realising it because they’ve become so deep-rooted.

What is their behaviour telling me?

An example of a survival mechanism children may use is hypervigilance. Hypervigilant children are always on high alert, scanning their surroundings and absorbing sensory information to check for danger.

Although this may have helped them stay safe in the past, it can make day-to-day life difficult for them when they move into care. They may become overstimulated in particular environments, such as school, and interpret ordinary interactions as a potential threat. This can trigger their fight-or-flight response, affecting their behaviour as they react to the perceived danger.

At Fostering People, we teach you to look at behaviour through a therapeutic lens. By paying attention and looking for patterns in a child’s behaviour, you gain a deeper understanding of their triggers. You can then support them in developing new ways of responding now they’re in a safe, stable, and nurturing home.

Always learning and adapting

A therapeutic approach to fostering isn’t a quick-fix solution. Foster parents who use this approach are on a continuous learning journey, adapting to the child or young person’s ever-changing needs.

At Fostering People, we make accessing therapeutic foster care training easy, offering a wide range of virtual and face-to-face training courses. When you join us, you’ll learn more about attachment theory and therapeutic parenting, and as time goes on, you’ll be able to access training specific to the needs of the child in your care.

All our foster parents receive training on PACE parenting, a therapeutic approach that stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy. PACE teaches you how to therapeutically interact with the child in your care, helping them build a positive attachment with you. By consistently using the principles of PACE, you can support children in learning new, healthier ways of coping with distressing thoughts and emotions.

Working with other fostering professionals

Part of a therapeutic approach to fostering is recognising when you need support. Sometimes, children in foster care need therapeutic intervention, and when fostering teenagers, you may need help to support them through this turbulent time in their lives.

Therapeutic fostering is a team effort, and at Fostering People, our support for foster parents and children means you are never alone. From regular meetings with your supervising social worker to dedicated support groups for new foster parents, our close-knit, supportive community will help you feel at home.

We’re here for you 24/7, and you’ll collaborate with our professional teams to help the child in your care thrive. We also organise local activities and events for the whole family to enjoy, giving every family member the opportunity to relax, make friends, and have fun.

Improving the outcomes of children in care

Children in care need more than just physical safety. They need adults to build them up and to show them that their past doesn’t have to dictate their future. They need to experience positive relationships that help them trust again and show them that the world isn’t as scary as they may have once thought.

Therapeutic foster parents play a vital role in this process. By providing children with a sense of belonging, stability, and a space to heal and grow, they help pave the way for brighter, happier, and more fulfilling futures for children in care.

 

Want to learn more about becoming a therapeutic foster parent? Call us on 0800 077 8159 or fill in our online enquiry form and a member of our friendly team will be in touch.

Playful Parenting: Putting P.A.C.E Strategies into Action

Here at Fostering People we utilise the P.A.C.E parenting model, a trauma-informed parenting approach comprised of four key characteristics which you can use to help children navigate their emotions; playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy.

Let’s take a look at the first P.A.C.E strategy in a little more detail and discover how you can start incorporating playful parenting tips into day-to-day life with your foster child.

The importance of play

Play is not just about having fun; it’s a crucial part of every child’s development and is seen across many species. As Professor Carla Rinaldi said, “Play and learning are like the two wings of a butterfly— one cannot exist without the other.” In humans, play supports us to understand the world around us, make new social connections and develop key skills such as fine motor skills and executive function. Different styles of play, such as imaginative play and rule-based games, help children’s development in different areas.

Playfulness in P.A.C.E

Being playful in your parenting style isn’t about being happy and positive all the time, and it certainly isn’t about joking around when a child is upset or teasing them. Instead, playful parenting aims to create a light and positive atmosphere where your child feels free to be completely themselves and where they know that they are safe. Dr. Dan Hughes, the founder of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy and the P.A.C.E model, defines playfulness in parenting as:

“It’s about enjoying the relationship. That’s where the ‘P’ in P.A.C.E really manifests itself. The playfulness is an enjoyment of the child in the relationship.”

Being playful with your children shows them that you are comfortable and relaxed in their presence, and that you enjoy being around them. Having an adult who truly engages can be life-changing in helping a child to heal from trauma and begin building deep, healthy connections with the people in their lives.

Let’s explore some playful P.A.C.E strategies which can help you to foster therapeutically.

3 Playful P.A.C.E strategies for young children

  1. Use a light and friendly communication style. Taking a gentle, friendly approach to daily life can help your little ones to feel at ease. Use a gentle tone of voice and get down onto their level when speaking with them. Be mindful of your facial expressions and body language; things like frowning or having your arms crossed may make you appear threatening. Don’t be afraid to be silly, which can diffuse tension and provide plenty of opportunities for fun and laughter together. Try to keep your interactions positive and fun wherever appropriate, and use active listening techniques such as reflecting back what has been said to you and asking open questions to get the most out of your chats together.
  2. Take joy in the world around you. Show your child that the world can be a safe and welcoming place for them by taking the time to highlight the wonderful things which we can easily take for granted, by finding fun in the mundane. A bit of imagination and a playful spirit can transform even something as everyday as the school run; perhaps you could challenge your little one to listen out for birds and see who’s best at imitating their calls, or bring their wellies along at pick up time so that you can enjoy splashing in puddles together on the walk home!
  3. Use play to explore emotions. For some children who have experienced trauma, putting a name to emotions and empathising with others can be challenging. One great way to help teach these skills is through imaginative play. This could be by roleplaying scenarios with toys during playtime, or by pausing while reading a story book to talk about how the characters are feeling.

You can also utilise this technique when watching TV or YouTube together by reflecting on character interactions at the end of an episode. For example, in this adorable scene from the popular cartoon Bluey, Bluey and her younger sister spend so much time squabbling over not wanting to share their desserts that their delicious ice-creams melt in the sun. By asking open questions such as, ‘how do you think Bluey felt when she saw that her ice cream had melted?’ or ‘why do you think Bluey’s dad decided to share his own ice cream?’ you can help your little one to start naming emotions and build empathy skills.

3 Playful parenting strategies for older children and teenagers

Though being playful may look different for older children, it’s just as important. Let’s look at 3 playful parenting strategies which work great for older kids.

  1. Find a hobby which you can share. Whether it’s gaming nights, cooking together or a shared love of sport, shared hobbies are great for building bonds. Try to find a hobby which prioritises your teen’s interests over your own, and don’t be afraid to try something new— maybe they would love for you to help them create a home-made costume to show off at a comic con, or would love to see you get involved in another unusual activity like roller-derby or Geocaching!Showing your young person that you really care about their interests by trying something new and getting a little out of your comfort zone can really help the two of you to bond. Keep things friendly if you’re doing something competitive.  Remember that your focus should always be on enjoying the process together rather than trying to be the best at a sport or having a perfect end product with creative hobbies like art or baking. Volunteering together in your community is also a fantastic way to help others while helping your teen to build confidence, social skills and empathy.
  2. Get your teen involved and ‘gamify’ everyday tasks. Getting your young person involved in suitable household tasks is a great opportunity to spend time together while teaching them the skills they’ll need to become independent and responsible adults. Asking your teenager to help out also shows them that they’re a valued member of your family with a part to play.Even mundane tasks can be tuned into great opportunities to bond when we sprinkle in a little playfulness. You can incorporate playfulness in a myriad of different ways during everyday chores and interactions, such as by turning on some music you both love to sing along to while washing up or by starting a water fight while washing the car together on a sunny day. Learn more about how to build a strong bond with the teens in your care.
  3. Allow them to be children. Remember, though it’s easy to forget at times, our teenagers are still children. Some children may need time and encouragement to behave like children again if they have experienced Parentification. They may also at times act much younger than you might expect. If you spot behaviours in your teen which seem unusual for their age, these may be a result of how trauma has influenced their maturation and brain development.Rather than berating them by demanding that they ‘act their age,’ it’s important to recognise that they may be at a different level developmentally and may need a different approach to support. Many children who have experience of being in care have also missed out on much of the fun and freedom of childhood, so make an effort to encourage them to express themselves and act childlike where appropriate and join in with their joy.

Playful parenting resources

Can’t get enough of our playful parenting tips? Check out some of our recommended resources below for more ideas on how you can incorporate playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy into your families’ everyday life.

  • ‘The P in P.A.C.E,’ a brilliant article by Dr Chris Moore, educational psychologist
  • Our blog on understanding the unseen effects of childhood trauma
  • Dr Dan Hughes’ website, where you can learn more about playful parenting directly from the creator of P.A.C.E
  • Watch the still face experiment, which shows just how much of an impact play has on parent and child interactions
  • This article from The Marbles Kids Museum, which suggests a bunch of fun and playful parenting strategies for kids of all ages

Applying P.A.C.E in daily life

Using the P.A.C.E approach helps to teach your foster child that you are an adult to be relied upon, who cares deeply about their wellbeing and emotions and who will be there to support them through whatever challenges they may face. You’ll learn more about the 4 P.A.C.E strategies during your training with us as we prepare you to become a new foster parent.

Ready to learn more about what it takes to become a foster parent? Our team here at Fostering People would love to hear from you. Enquire with us today to get started on your journey towards changing the lives of children or learn more about the support we offer to our foster parents. 

4 reasons why we use the therapeutic fostering approach

What is therapeutic fostering?

The sad reality is that most of the children who need fostering have suffered significant trauma in their early lives, such as abuse, neglect, domestic violence or the death of a parent. We call these Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), and they can often lead to issues with a child’s emotional, social and psychological development. As such, sometimes the love and stability from a foster family isn’t enough on its own, and these children need extra support to recover from their turbulent pasts.

Part of this comes in the way of therapeutic fostering. It’s an effective, specialist approach that is committed to delivering life-changing outcomes for kids and young people. A variety of challenges can arise when you’re fostering a child with a troubled history, such as unruly behaviour, emotional instability and mental illness. Therapeutic fostering teaches us to tackle these issues through understanding the reasons behind the behaviour, rather than simply reacting to it. When a child lashes out because they lost a game, for example, it’s more often than not rooted in something deeper. Perhaps it’s because losing makes them feel like a failure, triggering emotions from their past.

Essentially, it’s about digging into the reasons why a child is behaving the way they are, and using therapeutic fostering tools to help them overcome it.

What does therapeutic fostering look like?

Therapeutic fostering is a parenting style and philosophy that has a plethora of techniques to help children make positive strides forward.

Being part of the child’s therapy plan

For some children, it might be decided as part of their individual care plan that they’ll benefit from seeing a specialist therapist. They’ll work with the child to provide professional guidance and counselling that in turn, supports the work of foster parents. Being closely ingrained the child’s therapy plan is a huge benefit as it ensures the work continues at home.

Empathising with the child

Fostering therapeutically means having empathy by the bucket-load. Listening, talking and putting yourself in the child’s shoes will enable you to understand where their emotions are rooted. Only then can you help them to explore what they’re feeling and work with them to find better coping strategies.

Looking past their behaviour

Reacting to an angry child with annoyance, impatience or frustration will never help them break their behavioural cycle. It can, in fact, make their behaviour worse. When you foster a child using the therapeutic approach, you need to see the behaviour as an indicator of something much deeper. They are trying to communicate with you but lack the tools to do so appropriately. Showing unwavering love and care no matter what they say or do will demonstrate your commitment to them and help them open up.

The PACE model

Our particular approach to therapeutic fostering is grounded in the PACE model. This stands for Play, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. These are all vital elements in building trust and confidence within children. All of our social workers are given PACE training so they’re equipped to support our foster parents. Fostering children using this model can counter the impact of childhood trauma and help young people get their lives back on track.

4 reasons why our therapeutic fostering approach works

  1. Often, many children don’t receive therapy unless they have access to a therapist or CAMHS. (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). This means only those children who are most in need receive 121 therapy services. At Fostering People, all our staff and foster parents receive training and support on PACE parenting, which in turn ensures all children receive therapeutic support to help with their individual trauma.
  2. We offer ‘Reflect’ groups, which enables foster parents to have therapy sessions themselves to help them process and reflect on their own experiences of parenting their foster child. This helps significantly to understand why certain behaviours are being exhibited, and provides practical solutions to help children find healthier ways to express their emotions.
  3. Therapeutic fostering is holistic in the sense that we are trying to improve a child’s psychological, emotional and behavioural development. Rather than dealing with incidents as isolated cases, we take a child’s behaviour and look at it as a whole, noticing patterns or triggers that give us insight into the child’s world.
  4. We provide all of our foster parents with training in therapeutic fostering to enable them to support children from different backgrounds. It’s a methodology that might be different to how you have parented before, but you don’t need prior experience. We’ll give you all the tools and support you need to become an amazing therapeutic foster parent.

Could you foster a child in need?

There are thousands of children who currently need the love and support of a foster parent. If you think you could give a vulnerable child the care and support they need, please get in touch with our expert team today.

Or, download our Fostering Process for Beginner’s guide for a complete overview of fostering.

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