Katie’s Fostering Story

After leaving her 30-year career as a probation officer, Katie and her husband Paul decided to take their life in a new direction by becoming foster parents. Katie is now using her experiences to change the course of children’s lives.

Since beginning their fostering journey with us in 2017, Katie and Paul have seen two sets of siblings through to adoption, alongside fostering a 15-year-old teenager long term. They are now preparing another young sibling group for adoption while supporting the changing needs of the teenager in their care.

Here is a glimpse into their lives as foster parents so far.

From probation officer to foster mum

When Katie left the probation service, she volunteered at a homeless hostel while deciding on her next career move. After researching various job descriptions, she realised her experience working with vulnerable adults could actually help her change the outcomes for children in care.

She said: “I was just looking for a different career and when I came across fostering, I thought, ‘Oh, that would be interesting,’ because I’d had so many clients who’d been through the care system. I always felt like I was working with them too late in the day as a probation officer.”

“There’s a lot of similarities in the sort of struggles and trauma backgrounds between the adults I worked with and children in care. I thought, ‘If I can just make a difference to one child before they become an adult and before they go to prison, it’s worth a go’”.

“I spoke to someone I worked with at the time; she was a clinical psychologist and sat on fostering panels. She told me to choose an independent agency because you get more support, and to check their Ofsted rating. When I looked, Fostering People were rated Outstanding by Ofsted three times in a row (since the couple applied, this is now four times in a row), and when I spoke to them, I knew they’d be the best fit for us.”

Fostering without children of your own

You don’t need to have experience raising your own children to foster – Katie and Paul are a testament to that. However, your support system and mindset can make all the difference.

Katie said: “Because we don’t have children of our own, we’ve got no comparisons or expectations. We don’t know what’s ‘normal’ for that age – we just see each child as they are, rather than comparing them to anyone else.”

“I think, like any parent, you’re handed a baby and just have to figure it out. I remember Paul doing his first nappy – it was hilarious. The kids had been with us for about two weeks, and he said, ‘Right, I’m going to do my first nappy’ and went into the bathroom. When he came back, he said, ‘It’s still coming out’ and I was like ‘You’ve got to give her a minute!’”

“We’ve got lots of friends and family with kids, so we can call them if we need advice. We just get on with it, but the thing I find with fostering is that you get so much support, and we’ve had good relationships with all our social workers.”

Preparing children for adoption

The couple foster young children on a short-term basis to prepare them for adoption. The children they foster have varying levels of need, and Katie and Paul help them reach missed developmental milestones.

Katie said: “We see our role as trying to get them as ready for adoption as possible.”

“We fostered two and three-year-old siblings who both had really severe global developmental delays. Neither of them could talk, and the younger one couldn’t walk.”

“We used Makaton and Pecs to teach them how to communicate, and Paul made it his mission to teach our younger foster daughter how to walk before she was adopted – he succeeded.”

“When we were going through the adoption process for that sibling group, I cried throughout because you get so attached. But watching that family form is one of the happiest memories I have. And what they’ve done for those girls, who have severe additional needs – it’s outstanding.”

Breakthrough moments

Alongside preparing children for adoption, the couple foster a 15-year-old teenager long term, building a beautiful connection and supporting his neurodiverse needs. Katie shared a heartwarming breakthrough moment.

She said: “The teenager we foster has been with us for nearly seven years. He’s autistic and is as grumpy as you get, but he’s part of the furniture now.”

“The first few years were a challenge. But one day, he had a big meltdown and went to his room. Later, when he came back downstairs, he was covered in snot and tears and said, ‘Can I have a hug?’ I was like, ‘Of course you can, come here.’”

“While I was hugging him, he said, ‘I know we can fall out, but we’re family and we still love each other’. In my head, I was thinking, ‘Yes! That’s the message’. He knows that he’s not going anywhere. This is his home, and we are his family.”

“He’s very clever and completely obsessed with 80s music. Honestly, he knows so much because he just absorbs information. We were listening to something recently, and I asked, ‘Who’s this?’ He went, ‘Frankie Valli.’ I was like, ‘How do you know Frankie Valli?’ He loves Madness too, so the year before last, we took him to see them. It was his first live gig, and he absolutely loved it.”

Katie’s tips for anyone thinking about fostering

Katie shared some handy tips and advice for anyone thinking about fostering, she said: “Talk to me. We spoke to current carers and listened to their stories. So, go out and meet foster carers, ask questions.”

“Think about the age group you’re comfortable with, and if you don’t have children of your own, look at your friends. What age are their kids? Most of our friends have kids, and we’ve watched them parent without even realising it.”

“The beauty of fostering with Fostering People is that there’s so much support. No matter what you’re going through, that network is vital. So early in the journey, get in there – meet people, befriend people. Sometimes, you’ll mess up, and other foster parents will remind you that we’re all parents, we’re human, it’s fine. That kind of support is very reassuring.”

“On tough days, try to remember why you started fostering in the first place – for the children. Children in care are the strongest people you will ever meet. They’ve been through so much, and the fact that they are still breathing, still going, is amazing.

“When you see a three-year-old who has been through the unimaginable still manage to smile and have fun, it’s a beautiful thing.”

Inspired by Katie’s story?

If reading Katie’s story has inspired you to begin your fostering journey, we’d love to hear from you. Fill in our online enquiry form or call us on 0800 077 8159 and we’ll call you.

Alternatively, grab a cuppa and join us at one of our virtual fostering information sessions, where you’ll learn more about becoming a foster parent, including the application process, assessment, and training.