Fostering is both a challenging and extremely rewarding life path. Care-experienced children and young people have often experienced trauma in their early lives, which can lead to difficulties in regulating their emotions as well as some behaviours which can be tricky to manage. Let’s learn more about why it’s important to understand what a child is communicating through their behaviour.
The myth of ‘naughty kids’
We live in a society where care-experienced people face a lot of prejudice, even as they leave care and enter adulthood. Some people mistakenly believe that children are taken into care because of their behaviour, a stereotype which particularly affects older children and teens in care.
There’s a huge range of potential reasons why a child may enter the care system, none of which are their fault. Perhaps a child has lost a parent in death or has been removed from their home due to a parent’s reluctance to end a relationship with an abusive partner. They may also have faced neglect or abuse. We call these events Adverse Childhood Experiences, of ACE’s.
ACE’s can have a huge impact on every aspect of a person’s life, including their development, behaviour and health outcomes in later life. That’s why children in care need a trauma-informed approach to parenting, which emphasises unconditional love, empathy and healing, to give them the best life outcomes possible.
Now that we’ve busted some myths, let’s check out the facts…
Childhood trauma impacts brain development.
When a child is exposed to traumatic circumstances, it can impact the way their brain develops and affect the rate at which they hit normal milestones. When the brain has been in a constant state of high alertness to cope with threat, in a constant state of fight of flight, it dampens a child’s ability to develop higher skills such as regulating their emotions and being able to make safe decisions.
Many behaviours which foster parents find concerning, such as a child withdrawing or becoming violent, are actually survival strategies which can develop during times of stress. These strategies were created by the brain in an attempt to keep the child safe during a time when there was nowhere to turn for comfort and safety. Even when a child is in a safe environment, like a foster home, it takes lots of therapeutic support and consistent loving care to develop healthier behaviours.
Behaviour always communicates a need.
A great way of understanding behaviour is remembering that every behaviour can be read as a form of communication. Many of a child’s behaviours may be influenced by the trauma they live with— perhaps a child is feeling overstimulated and they need some space; perhaps something has triggered memories of a traumatic situation, and their body is responding as though they are once again under threat.
However your foster child reacts when feeling dysregulated, they’re unlikely to have learned the ability to regulate their emotions without an adult for support. This means they’ll need you by their side in order to return to a calm, happy state. Let’s learn more about the importance of co-regulation, and how it can support children to learn to manage their own behaviour independently.
Co-regulation strategies to practice with your foster child
One of the biggest ways you can support a child in moments where their behaviour is challenging is by building a safe and trusting relationship with them over time. This allows them to explore, build resilience and develop healthier coping mechanisms when they’re feeling upset or unsafe. Here are 3 tips for effective co-regulation with your foster child.
- Regulate, relate, reason. The Sequence of Engagement, developed by Dr. Bruce Perry, teaches us the order in which to engage a child who is struggling to handle big emotions. We start with regulation, which means to help the child calm their body and nervous system first— breathing exercises such as bubble breathing or finger breathing are great for this! Relating is the next step, where we connect emotionally through active listening and empathy. Reasoning and reflection comes last, where you can discuss what happened and find ways to help prevent a child’s behaviour from escalating in the future.
- Engage, don’t enrage. When a child is dysregulated, it can be easy to slip into a power struggle rather than truly addressing the heart of a given issue. The ‘engage, don’t enrage’ strategy reminds us to address behaviour in a mindful way which won’t add even more stress to the child. It also reminds caregivers of the importance of treating difficult situations as you and your foster child vs the problem, rather than the two of you becoming upset with one another.
- Be patient. Helping your foster child to learn to regulate their emotions won’t be a linear journey, nor will it be a swift road to success. You’ll need to be patient and consistent in order to see results. By engaging with our therapeutic training, role modelling healthy behaviours and always being a pillar of support for your foster child, you can help them to begin to see the world as a safer, more nurturing place and can teach them the skills to better manage their emotions.
Recommended resources for trauma-informed foster parents
Ready to learn more? Check out the links below for some fantastic resources to help you better understand and manage a child’s behaviour.
- The American Centre for Early Childhood Education (CECE) has a great range of YouTube videos covering topics including how trauma impacts young children and how to help a child regulate their emotions.
- The UK Trauma Council have produced a fantastic animation explaining the impact of childhood trauma on the brain. It’s a fantastic resource for foster parents, showing in simple terms how trauma can make even a safe place feel scary.
- Read our blogs on P.A.C.E parenting strategies and the unseen effects of childhood trauma to learn more about how you can support your foster children in day-to-day life.
- If you’re interested in a deeper look at how trauma impacts children, check out our guide to developmental trauma and its impact on the brain.
Could you help change a child’s life?
If you’ve ever thought about fostering, there’s no better time than now to get started on this life changing journey. Here at Fostering People you will benefit from the holistic support of a vast range of professionals, and you will never feel alone when challenges arise. Learn more about our support for foster parents by getting in touch with our team today.
